by Taylor Irwin

FSU’s Take On ‘Nice Guys vs. Assholes’ is Traumatizing Filth


As a recent graduate of Florida State University, I must say that the following video not only makes me mortified to attach my name to my post-secondary institute of learning, it makes me terrified for the future of our generation. Recently, college video production company I’m Shmacked pieced together interviews from FSU’s near blackout student body, asking undergrads the age-old question: Who’s hotter, nice guys or assholes? As one would expect, there are a sprinkling of idiotic and messy responses – c’mon, it’s college - but the exorbitant number of messy responses here will leave you questioning whether the collective IQ of the participants is lower than their damn standards.

During one of the biggest football games of the year, Miami vs. FSU, an I’m Schmacked ”reporter” jumped from tailgate to tailgate posing that douchey question, and was happily handed responses like, “Be a douche. Get a girl. Get laid. Let’s go.”

I can’t.

“Girls want someone to hold the door for them, but slap their ass on the way out. [Teehee],” said one girl midway through the video. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS, PEOPLE. And it’s also why misogyny and sexism runs rampant at campuses like FSU. It’s like the commonly used excuse, “If she calls herself a bitch, why can’t I?” And it’s true, if women speak of themselves like a piece of “ass,” then expect men to gladly do the same.

But this HAS to stop. In a recent Slate article (“College Women, Stop Getting Drunk”), Emily Yoffe argues that the rates of sexual abuse of women on college campuses has been rising thanks a binge-drinking party culture. That makes sense, but no one’s discussing the self-confidence and self-worth that these women attribute to themselves before getting “schmacked.” The less we think of ourselves, the more we drink to let go, the more we allow our asses “to get slapped on the way out.” Rinse and repeat.

So to everyone featured in this video, I’m absolutely talking to you when I say there is no shame in my shade right now: Grow up.

By the time you have finished watching the cross-eyed praises of douche bag commonplaces and the frat stars’ glorification of their disturbingly sexist antics, I have probably already doused my diploma in white-out, or thrown it into the less judgmental waters under the Brooklyn Bridge.

And if you can’t handle five minutes of pure filth, here are some of the more prophetic quotes from the Miami vs. FSU game day ::heavy eyeroll::

From the guy who LOVES monogamy:
“Fuck girlfriends. Fuck everything, okay? If you’re a nice guy, you’re fucked. It’s all about being an asshole, okay? Assholes love sluts. AHHHFGKFDFD”

This girl thought she would keep her advice short and so, so sweet:
“Dear Nice guys. Fuck you.”

And this guy who didn’t know what the interview was about, but he definitely loves to dance:
“Whoever’s trying to dance. I’m about dancing you know. Like, if you think about it, like – I’m just trying to dance.

Blondie aka Aristotle spits knowledge for everyone looking for a real connection:
“I mean if you’re an asshole, you obviously look good. He’s an asshole (points), but he doesn’t look good so I obviously wouldn’t hook up with him.”

And last but not least, we have this closing gem for which I actually have no words:
“I don’t know if you noticed, but we’re in the same dress – and it’s because we are not opposed to doing certain things with…(trails off awkwardly) An asshole, because generally they are just *hold up hands a foot apart* bigger. Oh my god, a nice guy? What are you going to do, buy me coffee? No. You have to get me drunk, and then we’ll do something. (Giggles)”

And the award for the WORST PERSON EVER goes to this keeper:
“Treat ‘em like dirt, they’ll stick to you like mud.”

25 thoughts on “FSU’s Take On ‘Nice Guys vs. Assholes’ is Traumatizing Filth

  1. Maybe try some of your “unbias” journalism and try asking “a nice girl.” Maybe choose to ask your questions NOT on one of the biggest days to party of the entire year. Im sure if I went to the great city of New York on New Years Eve, I would meet some trashy hos, and douche bags making fools of themselves. Maybe ask people NOT partying their faces off at tailgates. Ever heard of Club Strozier? Didnt think so. Guarantee I find some dimes who like “nice guys” there…

  2. Maybe try some of your “unbias” journalism and try asking “a nice girl.” Maybe choose to ask your questions NOT on one of the biggest days to party of the year. Maybe ask people NOT partying their faces off at parties. Ever heard of Club Strozier? Didnt think so. Guarantee I find some dimes who like “nice guys” there…

  3. Dumb bitches like assholes. And assholes like dumb bitches. Could relate to daddy/mommy problems sure, but overall its because they don’t want to go any deeper in conversation. The cover up/mystery plays a good role ass well.

    See how all those girls and boys looked the same?
    They’re ALL assholes, and don’t deserve to be with the nice ones.
    Also, I’m sure ALL of those girls cry EVERY time they watch the notebook.

  4. I graduated from FSU in Summer ’12 and will never, ever let my children even consider attending that god awful place. Sure there are pockets of nice guys and girls everywhere – but an institution of higher learning that not only allows but endorses this kind of blind douchebaggery is barely worthy of calling itself a “university”. It’s a place where “frat stars” and girls with IQ’s closer to people with down syndrome than the average student can actually attend college, cheat their way through, and get a diploma and a $50k+ job their first year out of college because of their “connections”. These are the people that grow up to be Mitt Romney’s and Paul Ryan’s, because the rest of us are busy being humble.

  5. Honestly – this sample is poor for the population of FSU. There are plenty of non-valley girl speaking-girls and respectful, nice guys and people that would actually take that coffee date over getting the drinks THEN “maybe” something :|

    This video is embarrassing and such a poor representation of the school I love and attend.

  6. Well, this was gruesome to watch. Unfortunately, all I saw was the Greek population of Florida State humiliate themselves and our school. Where was the other 75% of the university’s student body, that actually have some brain cells? Yes. It’s true. These people roam the campus that I love so much, BUT there are better human beings being productive students and representatives of the school. Let’s just hope the individuals in this video don’t reproduce. Lastly, I think nice guys become successful because they actually have some manners.

  7. Most people aren’t taking the lifestyle into consideration. Tallahassee is nicknamed ‘Tallanasty’” because every weekend it’s full of debauchery and blacking out. That’s the lifestyle for the thousands of greeks and thousands of other students. Miami-FSU was the Bonaroo of college parties. It’s the equivalent to woodstock being held again in New York City. Tallahassee, that weekend, was where every college student that parties in any University around the country says they want to be. Also, they have a pretty esteemed academic reputation. If you can graduate.

  8. Evans: “an institution of higher learning that not only allows but endorses this kind of blind douchebaggery is barely worthy of calling itself a “university”. It’s a place where “frat stars” and girls with IQ’s closer to people with down syndrome than the average student can actually attend college, cheat their way through, and get a diploma and a $50k+ job their first year out of college because of their “connections”. These are the people that grow up to be Mitt Romney’s and Paul Ryan’s, because the rest of us are busy being humble.”

    A. Where are these 50k a year jobs? I have connections graduated in 08 never had that kind of an offer not even close to 30k.
    B. The ends justifies the means so who cares what other people due (I.E. cheating) I mean what are you a hall monitor?
    C. Nothing wrong w having fun better enjoy it now you are going to be working until you are dead once you graduate and there will be no fun ever again don’t let show like How I met your mother fool you adulthood = Boring.
    D. Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are wrong socially but dead on fiscally.. You’ll learn that once you see how much of your money goes to taxes to people who don’t/won’t work.
    So in conclusion have a drink and get the sand out of you Vag!

  9. Ashley: You’re an idiot…

    A. The 50k jobs are for the folks that actually have connections and can use a comma. It’s likely that the reason your connections didn’t help you was the fact that (based solely on this comment) your resume is in shambles and your work experience consists of a few restaurant jobs. In other words, the reason you haven’t had a good offer… YOU DON’T DESERVE IT.

    B. “…so who cares what other people DUE” How in the hell did you even make it into the University? Its pretty obvious what you did to get THREW (I.E. cheating)… I thought the people in the video were bad but good lord you’re dumb.

    C. Most people don’t work until they’re dead, they RETIRE… and I am fairly positive no one was under the impression that they were living “How I Met Your Mother.” Furthermore, adulthood= amazing (aka you need to grow up). I was in a fraternity at FSU and I can tell you that the “50k job” is paying for much more fun than the shitty fraternity parties I attended.

    D. My favorite BRILLIANT point that you made… “Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are wrong socially but dead on fiscally..” Uhhh what? Just stop while you’re ahead… oh wait, you never were. Reading your writing and trying to interpret your asinine political statement is like scraping a fork across a plate really fast while having your eyes clawed out by an eagle. Lastly, those taxes are likely supporting your low income food stamps considering it’s likely you are a minimum wage employee with a few kids by now because of all of your “raging” and drunken one night stands.

    So in conclusion, read a book and get your head out of your ass!

    So in conclusion,

  10. Florida State University has been a ridiculous party school for a very long time, and anyone who wishes to change that is in an unfortunate position. You see, I go to FSU, and I’ve lived in Tallahassee for my entire life, and the thing about FSU is, it’s a joke. It’s a tattoo on the small of a girl’s back, and it’s a football team. It isn’t a respected and worthwhile institution. If you’re looking for idiots at parties, than FSU is the school for you. If you’re not, you may wanna stay out of the sunshine state altogether. Florida isn’t exactly known for its intellectual content.

    The problem here is actually that everyone who watched the video was surprised by just how lewd it is. You should come to expect this from a school like FSU. It’s an insane, dangerous, and rape filled place to be. The girls they interviewed are stupid. That’s why they’re in these videos to begin with. Honestly, looking for smart and deep girls at FSU frat parties is like looking for water in the desert.

  11. This is pretty inacurate to represent all of tallahassee. They interviewed a bunch of dudes and chicks at the same frat house. Guess what, they are the assholes on campus.


    Nice guys finish last, they let the girl finish first.

  12. As an FSU student who came here because they have one of the best programs for what I study in the country, who grew up in poverty, got a GED, went to community college in central FL, and then transferred in… SOME of us actually *are* attempting to get an education, and are succeeding.

    Please know that while this culture of idiocy runs rampant on our campus and in our town, this video doesn’t speak for everybody. This footage was taken at a football game (Somewhere I’d never be caught DEAD), where people are drunk, high, and showing up pumped and aggressive.
    This culture is why I’m frustrated with my age group, and why I date a man twice my age or so… Walking around campus I have actually heard sorority girls bitching about how their sorority house chef fed them cheese and fruit once, because, “My God, this is not the fucking White House. Who does he think he is?” and about how their one friend “Always pulls the fucking cancer card. What a Drama Queen. Like, I know your hair fell out and everything, but your cancer is totally treatable. It’s not like you’re going to die any time soon. Grow up.”

    It’s carpe diem, darlings. Not carpe douchebags.
    [This video is Idiocracy in the making...]

  13. Oh Tom you’re so wrong it’s hysterical! You corrected my grammar wow that must me you’re right…oh wait no it doesn’t. I never worked for a restaurant in fact I was a teacher for years, education doesn’t pay well and it’s a thankless job and most parents expect you to raise their children for them, no thanks. How did I get into the university? Well let’s see I applied and that was it as for cheating I never said I did I’ve just never cared about those that do, why should I? Most people don’t work until their dead they retire huh? Well not my parents my mother is 67 and still working my father died at 75 still working some people can’t live on social security and some people don’t enjoy retirement other factors come into play but you can pull your head out of your ass and research this for yourself anytime. Yawn.. I am grown up 31 married no kids as we wanted to wait till we had been together a few years and I don’t have a minimum wage job I own 2 businesses now I made my own opportunities nor am I on food stamps.. Let’s see what else? Oh yes, I am a fiscal conservative because I do want to keep my money and not get give it to the lazy who can work but won’t. As for raging well that’s what college is for isn’t it? No one ever looks back and says gee I wish I had fun less. So in conclusion I read all the time and probably a lot more than you and yes adulthood is boring you work, you pay bills, you have a family or not, you get old maybe you retire maybe you don’t and eventually you die. Yea adulthood is f*cking riveting.. You strike me as one of those guys that tweets from his Iphone while sipping his Starbucks about the evils of capitalism all the while maintaining that Europe is so much better than America even though you’ve never been there… Essentially you are a bore a Godd*mn bore… So later you self righteous libitard hipster

  14. What if this video was shot on the day of the UF-FSU game? Would FSU still be referred to as the “secondary reject school,” when the gators girls and fratbros are SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING? All Florida schools are party schools, and you’re going to come into contact of black-out drunk greek life on game-day who say stupid shit. So its not the school, its the day this video was shot as well as the population you’re asking–the DUMB sorority girls and fratstars… I’ve met a lot of intellectual sorority girls who would be ashamed if they saw this video. I agree, they should have gone actually onto campus and into dirac library and strozier library and asked them, the answers would have been much different…

  15. Ashley, I hope to God you are lying that you were a teacher. Anyone with grammar that terrible should be nowhere near children or their learning environment. No offense, but I think you’re full of crap.

  16. Girls like bad boys simply because they aren’t looking for men.
    Women want good men.

    I like to believe I’m a good man, does that mean I’m weak or a bitch? Sorry, while you all where hooking up and getting wasted I was in Afghanistan. Locating, closing with, and destroying the enemy.

    GIRLS want bad BOYS while good MEN give you the right to act like a hoe. Self respect is an aspect this country lost years ago.

  17. I went to the University of Florida. It’s exactly the same, though I never spent any considerable amount of time with these kinds of people. Having worked and lived in the northeast, on the west coast, and now the mountain west (CO) I can say no one outside of Florida has any respect whatsoever for the state or its universities. Most people snort when I say where I went to school. I try not to, actually.

    Instead of worrying about what this all “implies” about society, or our accepted norms for young college-age behavior, why don’t we just call it what it is? This is a performance. Whether there’s a camera there or not, no matter what the circumstances, these people are simply performing for one another. There is no internal directive, there is no premeditated goal (save for the obsessive need for acceptance), nope — just blind mimicry. Think of when a baby is first starting to make sounds, or use their motor skills. It’s like that, but for adulthood, sexuality, gender dynamics, and identity building (all really scary shit.)

    This is the Cookie Crisp/Fruity Pebbles version of adult behavior patterns, interactions, and social group forming. They have to make it bright and colorful and completely mental so they think it’s “special” and “just for them.” Really, it’s just one flamboyant, pathetic take on the transition into a confusing, messy, painful world.

  18. HAHAHA the best part about it was that wasn’t even me…. Ashley, you know nothing. Sorry sweetheart but nice try

  19. Oh Tom, still trolling? I went to work and forgot about this until this morning… yawn.. well I don’t own a “handmade jewelry store” or boutique but I know people that do and they make money (profits) and pay taxes etc. So yes, those do qualify as businesses. Just in case you didn’t know the definition of business it is defined as “a person’s regular occupation, profession, or trade as well as the practice of making one’s living by engaging in commerce.” I won’t get into what I own as I wouldn’t want you wondering in there but I make a good living and I’m happy at it but I have however grown quite bored with you dearie so I bid you adieu. Enjoy your trolling!

  20. Ok you want to single FSU out for this?? This is in every college AND HIGH SCHOOL in America. If you want someone to blame look to these kids parents who would rather be a friend to their child than a parent. When you have a society where everyone is afraid to tell someone it is MORALLY wrong to do anything you end up with a society that accepts everything.

  21. On behalf of Tom,

    Ashley your ineptitude and broken diction puts a fear in me that is incomprehensible. Just to let you know I just spelled incomprehensible wrong the first time but had the wherewithal to use SPELLCHECK. It’s this novel concept that is in most computers that allows you to spell words correctly. With that said, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD pay attention to your syntax as well. I don’t care what subject you attempted to teach, you should’ve told your students to always check their work. But who are we kidding? It’s not like you were supposed to raise them. It’s good to know your “regular occupation, profession, or trade as well as practice of making one’s living by engaging in commerce” is thriving, I’m sure your husband enjoys the financial security as he takes his 20 year old FSU Tri Delta out for drinks and a little adultery. Even if your “marriage” isn’t in shambles I’m sure you’re probably “happy at it”.
    In conclusion this video is proof that those who view college as a time to avoid “having fun less” holistically suck at life. Tom was right to verbally attack you in your lunacy. The irony of the “trolling” lies in your admission to leaving the conversation only to check back on this page at 7:36 in the morning. I hope you enjoy the rest of your life as you attempt to recreate the “fun” you had in college while the rest of us look to build on the experiences of our youth. Age is only a number and grown-ups can always be kids at heart but you will forever remain a whiny strumpet pontificating over your “glory years”.

  22. I posted the vid a couple days ago. My lil sister went freaking mental on my FB wall, right to the Fyou and drop dead.
    Says the girl who partied out of FSU at the end of the first year and ended up marring (and divorcing) well, you guessed it…

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