Lately, it seems like all of your friends are pairing up and settling down; your social life is less Friends With Benefits, and more Friends With Kids; and everyone on your dating feeds are getting younger and younger. You’re starting to think that maybe it’s you- you’re the reason you’re still single- and maybe you’re right. It is you. But thanks to New York’s new hot dating app, Swoon, we’re bringing the 7 likely reasons for your “Single” status to your attention, so you can change up your act. Fast. No one deserves to live without a consistent summer hook-up.
You’re Still Single Because…
You Still Live With Your Parents
If you are employed and above the age of 25, it is not okay that you are still living with your parents. And, no, placing a couch and mini fridge in your bedroom does not qualify it as an “apartment”.
You Have Too Many Roommates
Newsflash: College was five years ago and thus dorm room-living is now unacceptable. No, we do not want to meet your five “roomies” on the first date because what that translates to is: broke, immature, and stressful. We don’t live that Jersey Shore life.
You Say Things Like This
Brandishing your huge ego might work on naive weaklings in dive bars, but it is not gonna get you past the first date with us. Get some humility and learn how to hit the mute button on your own special blend of asshole.
You’re 27 And Still Funemployed
Have Made The Beyonce Song Your Anthem
No, we don’t want to see you re-enact the dance that you’ve memorized by heart. Yes, we totally understand why you’re single now.
You Let Your Friends Have Too Much Say
Your girlfriends are your “family” – yay! – but they are never going to think anyone is good enough for you. Please draw a line where your clique’s opinions really count, ’cause nobody stands a chance with them watching your every move.
Your Dating Profile Photo Is Really, Really Bad
If we can’t see your face, if you’re showing off a mug shot, or if you scream creepy, we. are. done.
You Think This Is Acceptable Behavior
It’s not. Ever. Yet somehow, guys manage to think it’s funny.
You Have Unrealistic Expectations
This is what you think will happen on date 2. NOTE: This is not real life.
You Have Too Much Baggage
No baby-daddys (or baby-mamas) need inquire. Thanks!