Cuffing season is upon us, expect flowing alcohol, a tad too much Tindering, and a few (hopefully good) first dates. Because we’re young and in New York, we expect that only about 1 of 3 “hang-out sessions” will stick. The others will likely die a very quick death thanks to:
A Declined Credit Card
Everything’s going swell, you actually like the guy, and then the bill arrives. The waitress returns to the table to let you both know that an “alternate form of payment” must be provided. His credit card declined, and he’s asked you to go dutch. – ___ -
Presents In The Toilet
You knew Indian on the first date was a bad idea. Hey, your stomach could hold it. Hers, however? Not so much. She went to the bathroom at your apartment, and left chicken masala dangling in the toilet. Over.
She “knows everyone”, except she doesn’t really know anyone but just throws out names to seem in the know. Comes off as superficial and insecure. See ya.
Boy, he’s got a mouth on him. Fifteen minutes in, and you know all about his mom, dad, cousins, and possibly illegitimate child. Check, please!
Not the worst thing in the world, but a tacky place could be the sign of a tacky person. When she orders the Midori sour, know that it’s time to leave.
Oh, you don’t know who our Vice-President is? And then you argue with us when we tell you that Katie Holmes’s better half is named Suri? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Not The Person In Photo
So, Tinder isn’t the most trustworthy dating app. Fine. But never did you think you’d be Catfished. When the guy shows up fat and balding, not slim and sexy, you have the right to just get up and walk out.
You show up to her house, looking for a post-date hook up session. You’re greeted by roaches. Not hot, not ever. Girl, bye.
A Really, REALLY Bad First Kiss
Tongue is fine. Tongue all over my face…not OK.