We love Britney Spears so much that if you drop a beat, you better believe we could break out a damn good dance move of hers. Actually, and not to brag, we’ve actually been told that our moves are “Toxic” good, for whatever that’s worth. But we also love us some Demetria Lovato. “Here We Go Again” and “Skyscraper” are on a couple of our “RUN FAST + DON’T CARE” Spotify mixes (don’t judge). So as you can imagine, we couldn’t be more excited to tune into our two fave rehabbed-divas take over the judges table on tonight’s debut of X-Factor.
But who will they be judging? Could Spears and crew be guiding the next pop princess? And, if so, what will her career-trajectory look like? If it’s anything like Lovato and Spears’s own, a little like this:
The youngest and most impressionable contestant will receive a five million dollar recording deal with Epic Records, and in return, her management will provide her with a brand-spanking new prepackaged image. i.e.
And just when the number one singles start to roll in, she’ll run into that middle phase where she’s, well, not that innocent:
Which introduces the new artist to her very first wave of horribly bad press. Lucky for her Perez Hilton has recently quit his coke-drawing ways, but she’ll still have to keep an eye out for the TMZ cameras….
Because TMZ will find her ass, and when it does, she will not be able to deal. Her epic breakdown will have her confusing umbrellas with weapons, and it might even force her to think of her trusty back up dancers as punching bags:
Then nudes will be leaked! Lots and lots of nudes!
But who cares?! Nudes can = success, just ask Kim Kardashian! Rehab will shortly follow, and after she’s clocked in 90 days, a comeback! Nothing beats a damn good comeback! Hell, WE LIVE FOR COMEBACKS!
And then BAM! She’ll be the judge of a new reality TV show, she’ll smile and cheer in front of her adoring fans. And she’ll shoo yet another little girl off to be a pop sensation…sponsored by Pepsi.